I am so broken tonight,the dark shadows of the generational trauma, abuse, and all of the many complications that those things bring are closing in on me. I want to close my eyes and fade into nothing, at least then I would not hurt those I love. To see their little faces crumble in pain and tears, at my anger, is almost more than I can bear. I am sick at the thought that my pain is creating their sickness , the same as my father and his father. Why can't I be more ? Why can't I break the cycle? Why am I left to fight and struggle against myself and the generations that created me, to protect my little ones? Why do I fail so often? I pray , I beg, I plead to God to change me. I would leave so they don't have to hurt from my pain, but that just creates another cycle of broken hearts. The only choice I have is to stand and fight and plead for help from God to become the man he needs me to be. To ask my children to forgive me and teach them that I am wrong. That they are good and beutiful worth more than I can ever give them.Teach them to come to God and trust in Him. Show them how to find His love. Oh God hear the the plea of a broken failed man, bless my children despite me. Wrap your loving arms around my little ones and heal the pain I have created. Forgive me for my lack of strength to be the father I want to Be. Forgive my father for the pain he gave to me,and my Grand father for the pain he gave to my Dad. Help us all Father,